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For Tailength we will use the Prevosts squirrel card, which has a size of Small, a cuteness level of High, a nut cost of 1, and the Adaptable ability

Not to mention that, because Ultimate Magic: Holy prevents damage and not just your life total changing, you can't even be knocked out with commander damage

(Makari the Lucky Grot) (Warhammer 40,000) Secret Lair Drop Non-foil - Borderless - #1027 Magic: The Gathering Krenko, Tin Street Kingpin (Makari the Lucky Grot) (Warhammer 40,000) Secret Lair Drop Non-foil - Borderless - #1027 Magic: The Gathering $44.99

Because the last ability of each Opposition Agent is trying to exile the card and give permission to play it, the owner of the exiled card chooses which effect wins